On Marriage

My husband and I have an extraordinary relationship. I’m not saying it’s unique or superior, but I would venture to say it’s probably uncommon. Although, to be fair, we’re really just getting into the world of marriage and there could be many trends we are unaware of. But regardless of that our relationship certainly works.

Someone who knew us closely put it this way: Geneva and Thomas kick each other’s asses all the time. That’s how they built their marriage. I was honored to be described this way and to have my relationship represented like that.

In a nutshell my husband and I met in college and circulated around each other socially for a couple of years. It wasn’t until almost a year after graduation that we did anything directly together. And it wasn’t just anything we did together.

We both participated in a seven-month, advanced leadership and personal development program designed to have you walk out the other side a whole, new being. Yeah, this was the first thing my husband and I did together. This program actually preceded our romantic relationship. I mean we had sized each other up from the beginning (we’re not blind), but we didn’t bring romance into our relationship until we had already been personal-development-program buddies for a couple of months.

From the very beginning (and even before that) I knew this was a relationship unlike anything I had ever experienced.

First off here was a man who attracted me on all levels – his heart and values, his body and how he cared for it, his desire to have children, his intelligence and skill in so many areas, his family, and his dreams to see the world and make a difference. And on top of that he was invested in personal development the same way I was (something I thought made me weird and pathetic at the time). Suffice it to say, he had my attention.

And we just dove in, hook, line, and sinker. We made some pretty catastrophic blunders almost immediately along the way, and there have been more 2:00am emotional conversations the night before something we needed to be well-rested for than I care to revisit, BUT that’s how we go to where we are today.

I truly believe it was one of those things where there was no going around it, only through it.

I think what “saved” us was that in every clash or challenging conversation we would confirm if we were still in it together and would be handling the situation as a unit, or not, and then proceeded from there. For us the answer (and we did have to consider it a few times) was always that we would do it together.

Eventually, in stages, we promised each other that we would always automatically approach things together. We wore promise rings for six months, we were engaged for a year, and now we’ve been married for a year and a half.

Everyday it sinks in deeper that we made ourselves into two halves of the whole life we are building together.

And it is the most beautiful, moving, and monumental thing I’ve ever achieved. I’m so very proud of our marriage and of each of us for being the spouses that we are to each other. And it all started with a phone call to invite me to a personal development program.

When I think about fate, soulmates, or even God or a divine plan, I don’t know if I view it the same way as others, but I undoubtedly see it in my marriage. Of course my husband and I are soulmates, absolutely. Not necessarily because we were destined for each other, but because we were two people looking for the same thing and we didn’t stop until we found each other, and then built it together.

We still haven’t stopped by the way. And, YES it is one of those things where finding what you were looking for only means you found the beginning of the true journey. It took each of us messing up significant relationships with multiple other people. It took making painful mistakes with each other and learning to repair the damage we had caused. It took having conversations neither of us had had before to say what we wanted and what we would ask of the other. It took taking NOTHING for granted – NOTHING – and building from there.

So, yes, my husband and I kick each other’s asses all the time. Because before he was my husband, or my fiancé, or my boyfriend, he was my friend and advocate as I developed who I am in this world, and I was his. And that connection is a sacred bond that we have built each and every other layer of our relationship on top of. when we become land owners it will be from there. When we become parents it will be from there. When we face triumphs and tragedy alike it will all be from there. I know beneath everything else my husband loves me in every sense of the word, and he knows the same of me.

I don’t share this to brag or as a how-to (I don’t even think our story could be replicated), but kind of because this is all I have to offer.

I know romance can be such a big, painful part of life – for my husband and I it certainly was before we got together. And I just want to share a testimonial that it can all work out! Really!! Like way better than you could possibly conceive. Beyond a doubt though it takes something no matter what stage of the game you’re in. Like most things in life perseverance is critical.

You MUST have the will to succeed in having an extraordinary relationship.

That is what gives you the ability to take the time to heal when you’re heartbroken, to dive in again after it went terribly each time before, to let someone go when it’s time to, to say what you want and have a chance of getting it, to do what it takes to repair the damage you cause, to forgive when it’s the last thing that your ego wants to do.

I disagree when people say marriage or relationships are hard.

They’re not hard, they’re just a living, breathing entity like you and they need certain things to exist. If relationships are hard then life is hard, and ain’t that the truth! So feed them good things and don’t stop so long as you want them to keep growing.

And if you’re married you promised that would be forever…